happy night at the palais

so i went tonight to the palace with charo and tom for beer and pizza. sarah, georg and rob came in while we were eating and sat next to us. someone who i recognized as being from the station, though i didn’t know him exactly, also came in and sat adjacent to us.

i started telling tom about roswell and the van and stuff, and the dude from xdu turned around and asked if we were talking about vw’s. he said he had a ’66 microbus out in the parking lot that i should go check out. turns out he is an xdu jock, he does a sunday morning twangy show that charo and tom like a lot.

it’s nice to go somewhere and see people ya know and meet people ya don’t already know.

constant attention

there’s a line in ‘lost in translation’ that really sticks with me. it’s when bill murray and scarlett johanssen are in the restaurant and fighting. he says, “what, there wasn’t anyone around to pay constant attention to you?”

maybe everyone is like that, but when i heard that both the first and second times i thought, _”oh, that is so totally me.”_ i require constant attention. i sort of try to spread my demands around and not suck any one person dry, but hell i _know_ that’s half the reason i keep a blog. (that and the sheer pleasure of constantly writing. and my ongoing desire to document everything.)

so i was feeling all fucked up and wrong this evening, and thinking about why, and i think the fact that i isolated myself more than usual today had something to do with it. “ok, well that’s lonliness, lisa”, you might be thinking, and you would not be completely wrong, but it’s not like i’m just dying to hear about your day, right? i want you to hear about mine.

i want to stop joe in the street and tell him about the dude stalking me in his car. (which i did.) i want to sit in charles’ office and tell him everything i can think of about the fucking van. i want to sit in joe’s office and tell _him_ everything i can think of about the van or something like it. i want to IM to jason how fucked up sharepoint is and get his sympathy. i want people to write comments on my blog.

it’s a bad and selfish habit, one which i’ve had since i can remember (it was first pointed out to me by my mother when i was in elementary school).

i used to have much better skills at getting people to talk to me about all kinds of personal stuff, but that was actually a manipulative tactic on my part. i mostly used it on guys. seriously, if you can get a guy in his early 20’s to confess some deep, dark secret to you, he’s going to want to make out with you about five minutes later. i think that was my ultimate goal. the ultimate kind of attention. the kind of attention i wanted constantly.

i’m more mature now. less needy. very independent. i realize i’ll never get the attention that i want from the one guy who i really want it from. it doesn’t stop me from fantasizing about what his reaction would be if i could do the things he can do, like program computers, or fix cars. how he’d be proud of me. how we’d hang out and talk recursion or make dumb geeky jokes about gearing. shit we’re never gonna do. the approval he’s never going to give me.

once i made him a web page, for father’s day. he emailed me back a critique.

anyway, whenever i try to jettison this attention-seeking habit, i find i have nothing to replace it with. i’m at a total loss as to what to do instead. the stuff builds up in my head and i desperately need to tell someone about it.

maybe everyone else is so self-absorbed that they don’t notice.

the sad story of lance

ok a long time ago (maybe five years or so) there was this dude named lance. he was looking for the same kind of bug that i was looking for, except in yellow. at the time, they were very hard to find. so we helped each other. he was down in n’awlins and i was up here in NC so we’d call around to dealerships and try to get the scoop both for ourselves and each other.

and we got to be friends.

and then we met up at the first roswell event. he was shooting tons of video, just like i was, and he was planning to sell a video cd to event participants. money was even collected and sent to him.

well you see where this is going i guess.

he never came through with the video cd’s and just disappeared with the money. i was the last of the beetle people that he corresponded with; he was supposed to fly up for my halloween party and of course we’d even struck up a flirtation. he said he bought a plane ticket. maybe he even did. i last heard from him about a month before that party… that would have been october, 2000.

well now it’s some years later and i’m going back through my old web site from the first year and finding the names of people who have disappeared from the beetle world, and i thought, hm…

so i googled him, not expecting a result… he was always pretty privacy conscious.

but here i am with a domain name that belongs to him, and whois lookup quickly provided me with an address and phone number in seattle– which is where he did say he wanted to move.

so now what? wouldn’t it be cool if i could somehow get that video footage from him? no hard feelings about the money or anything like that, i just want to see those interviews and show them to other people. if i called him, how would he react? ok, so he’d never get off his duff and actually send me the footage, if he even still has it, if he even agreed to give it up to me. i guess.

wouldn’t it be great if i could get an interview with him? maybe find out what the hell happened?

allpods sneak preview

i’ve been slaving away at the allpods site the last few days, and i’m getting really excited about it– i think it’s going to be the best allpods site since the first year. i feel like i’m really mastering moveable type and getting the most out of it.

anyway, it’s not done yet, but go have a peek!

“all pods go to roswell – 2004”:http://allpodsgotoroswell.net/

there’s still a stylesheet problem that is probably going to cause the pink sidebar to overlap with the blocks in the center of the page. if you have the screen real estate to widen your browser window, do so, and you’ll see it improve. if not– i’m working on it 🙂

there’s a lot more going on underneath that one page that you can’t see yet.. but it’s gonna be cool. rilly!

i am attracted to shiny things, and also i like the grateful dead.

so there, i said it! i do! i’m buying a vw van and i am getting my groove on to the dead today. make of that what you will. i went to a hippie college and i secretly go out and hug trees and eat hemp whenever i get the chance.

ok, those last two things aren’t actually true.

i also bought two pairs of metallic shoes (one silver, one lavendar) today at lunch. i use the word “bought” loosely because my gift certificate covered the entire cost. i’ve had my eye on both pairs for months and they recently moved to clearance. score!

bq. “round, round, rabbit run around…”

9 WESTY

christa had the brilliant idea that i should call the van 9 WESTY. fans of women’s shoes will get it; if you don’t, ask me sometime and i’ll explain.

anyway, she’s being a champ and taking me out there saturday morning to pick it up.

here’s hoping it makes it back to durham!

i will now go celebrate by spending my DSW gift certificate.

i work in mayberry.

technically, i’m not supposed to repeat these kinds of internal communications, but really, i can’t see any harm in this one, only amusement.

this message at 3:41pm went out to all employees in Cary:

bq. “Security is currently diverting traffic away from Research Drive on campus as a number of cows are loose near there. Landscaping staff is working now to gather the animals and return them to the gated area. We will let you know when Research Drive is open to traffic again.”

and then, whew! at 3:48:

bq. “The cows have been retrieved. Research Drive is open to traffic.”

the landscaping crew sure know how to herd cows, only seven minutes! we must have former rodeo stars on staff or something.

it should be noted that the landscaping folks actually _are_ pretty amazing; not only does campus look stunning at pretty much any given time of year, but they’ll stay overnight and stuff during ice conditions to clear the roads. i guess that’s one of the many up-sides to keeping all of the service staff in-house instead of contracting it out. you give someone free daycare and they’re more likely to cheerfully go above and beyond, and herd cows when necessary.