and now i realize i’m sleepy…

funny how a party can energize… i came home tonight ready to see what the video camera had brought me from the past… tapes found tonight from the first year in roswell, stuff i never put on the web and had not watched in years. i’m surprised at the quality of the footage. it’s good stuff.

there’s still one interview i can’t find… i think i’m going to have to comb back through those tapes. thought i was done with the video but i guess not.

still much left to do but it was good to take a break tonight. i didn’t drink; it seemed like a bad move nutritionally, but also sometimes i don’t like the irresponsible stuff i do and say when i’m drinking, and i knew it would slow me down tomorrow which i can’t afford.

talked to mr. pinky for a long time about cars. that was good. and talked with my old buddy captain saturn for a while as well. interesting to find a man who can talk intelligently about body image issues. he and i always wind up talking about food… not sure why that is.


as a long-time fan of the myers-briggs personality type indicator (which one are you? i’m an INFP) i guess it’s natural that eventually, i’d come up with my own personality type system.

here’s what i’ve come up with so far:

* people who are interested in *creation*

* people who are interested in *exploration*

* people who are interested in *preservation*

it seems like there ought to be a fourth, or even a fifth, but i haven’t thought of them yet. i consider myself to be mainly the first type, but interestingly, i think i feel a lot of guilt over not being more of the second type.

as with all simple systems that one attempts to apply to human personality, it breaks down pretty quickly under scrutiny so it’s probably best just to take it at face value.

can you think what i’m missing? do you see yourself in any of these?

a possible fourth might be people that i think of as “sensualists”… maybe i would say that they are interested in *experiencing.*

oh, well that’s fucking likely

bq. “aquarius (Jan. 21st-Feb. 18th)

bq. You’ll be getting more attention this weekthan J. Lo in a pair of short shorts in a room full of ass men. In fact, when the stars say that “your fun-loving adventurous attitude will draw plenty of attention this week,” we all know what they really mean by “attitude.” Shake that attitude like a Polaroid picture! And make sure you choose a dance partner who can keep up.”

no one’s going to tell you if you look bad.

holy crap.

i may have just found the motivation i need to lose the rest of the weight.

i just put together a photo book from the first trip to roswell. i’m not sure how much i weighed then, but it was a lot. i also dyed my hair the most appalling burgundy color, cut my own bangs when they got too long, and wore jeans that were baggy in the ass (maybe that was a good thing) and tapered at the ankle with shirts that were too short.

it was so wrong. _so wrong._ i think i was almost completely delusional about how i looked. i knew things weren’t good, and i didn’t know what to do about them, but i don’t think i had the first clue of how _bad_ i looked.

now the time i spend on trying to look better seems far from trivial. clothes, good. shoes, good. hair, good. makeup, i should consider wearing more. jewelry, good.

and, of course, low carbing, good. exercise, good.

two down-ish

so after much time spent yesterday working on dead and semi-dead computers, and _not_ going to the dang ballgame with christa, joy, et al, i am not much further ahead than i was.

there are– or were– three computers that i was going to bring with me on this trip.

– my powerbook (aka ‘spacecase’)

– my white ibook (aka ‘icemaiden’)

– my g4 cube (aka ‘foxy box’)

the powerbook is still fine. _thank god._ i would go out of my gourd with panic if it died right now.

the cube is pretty happy except that the cd-rom drive doesn’t work so much anymore. this leaves me stuck at an OS two major levels back from current. i tried to turn my ipod into a bootable hard drive so i could upgrade the OS (this is possible), but although the cube recognizes it as a bootable drive, it won’t actually boot off of it. i now have to decide if i will spend more time on this, and try to make the ipod bootable, or if i will just leave the cube as it is.

the ibook hard drive is unusable. it has to be completely zereo’d out according to tech tool pro (which took 12 hours to tell me this. thanks!) since there’s un-backed-up data on there that i’d like to retrieve, i will try to boot it in firewire target disk mode while connected to another computer, but don’t expect that to actually work. if it doesn’t, i’ll have to decide if i want to spend more time trying to retrieve the data after i return from roswell and travel without the ibook (which is not the end of the world), or call the data a loss, zero out the drive, and configure it to go to roswell and run a web cam.

now that i write that it, it seems clear that i should forget about the ibook until i get back. i’ll still have the capability to run at least two cams during the car show, and that’s probably plenty.

the real problems are that i’ve lost at least a full day of prep time, and the whole thing has thrown me _way_ off my stride. i hate it when my computing environment goes to hell. i feel very unsettled. if i give it some rational thought, i know that i can do everything with the powerbook. i just have to install the printer driver on the powerbook and really, that’s all i need to be good to go.

i was so happy and excited about how well things were going before all of this happened… i want to feel that way again! maybe tonight i can get some good work done and recover that feeling.

google makes me a guru!!

so, i decided to upgrade my mac cube to the latest OS.

one of the many unique things about the cube is, there’s no _mechanical_ way to force it to eject a cd-rom. there are quite a few _software_ methods of ejecting, including a particularly hairy one that i just used successfully.

i decided to erase the hard drive completely during the upgrade. the previous owner had left some software behind that i didn’t care for and couldn’t uninstall. the iTunes install had also become corrupted. i wanted a clean slate.

the install program hung during erasure of the disk (i believe).

i was able to erase the disk with the disk utility– but then the OSX upgrade cd that i was currently booted off of wouldn’t install an OS… because it’s an _upgrade_ cd.

i typed, “eject disc from cube” into google. the first result had my answer.

boot into open firmware and type “eject cd”.

booting into open firmware is pretty exciting. it’s like booting a UNIX system that has no GUI installed. lots and lots of scary text scrolls down the screen, and finally a little command prompt shows up:


well, it worked. and handily, OF supplied the command for shutting down (“shut-down”, imagine that!). i shut down and booted off of my original OSX install disc, which seems to be happily installing away right now.

it’s the web site that will not die.

every time i go in to tie up a few loose ends in the allpods site, i emerge hours later with a fresh list of ends to tie up the next time.

i think this is one of the most complicated sites i’ve put together in years.

as i’ve mentioned, i’ve been watching a lot of tv during the process. listening to a lot of music, too– stuff that people have been nice enough to give me.

i think the tv is taking a toll.

lately i’ve been feeling fat. highly unattractive. gross. this morning, i started in on one of my all-too-familiar helpless-victim thought spirals, one i haven’t been on in quite some time. it revolves around how every other woman i know is taller, skinnier, prettier, friendlier, girlier, better dressed, better groomed, nicer, and just all around more attractive than i am.

almost immediately, i also began to think, “where the hell is this coming from?”

i think it’s the damn tv. spending hours on end with fake people– you know, carrie, miranda, charlotte, and samantha– skinny, perfect women who have sex constantly (“oh my god! it’s been _three months!”_ “oh honey, i had _no idea!!_ you poor thing!”)

well, that, and not exercising, and being kind of isolated in my house a lot lately, and, yes, having 10lbs that i didn’t have at this time last year that i haven’t had the discipline to get rid of.

excellent desk breakfast

i think i may have finally achieved a long sought-after grail… a good breakfast that i can eat at my desk. it includes

* DELICIOUS COFFEE BEVERAGE: leaving for work early enough that i can stop at java jive for good coffee

* BACON: getting my ass to whole foods (i do all my grocery shopping at 11pm now), getting good bacon that’s not so salty, and making a big bunch of it one evening so i have it on hand.

* CHOCOLATE “PUDDING” : this is a combination of plain yogurt and low carb chocolate soy shake mix. i mix it so the consistency is basically just like pudding, in a big batch, and pour into little containers. i know it sounds gross, but actually it’s _quite_ good. a little tangy, like chocolate frosting that has sour cream in it.

i could see slicing up some strawberries to really push this over the top.

advance preparation rocks!!

ok, this is bugging me

so i’m now almost all the way through my twice-yearly S&TC marathon, and this time one thing i paid particular attention to was charlotte’s divorce settlement.

harry gets her the apartment… but there’s no place where she gets money or an income. yet, she doesn’t have to work and still maintains a wealthy lifestyle.

maybe she got standard alimony or something? when they go over the terms of the pre-nup in the coffeeshop, it’s clear she gets no money until five years, and they definitely didn’t make it that long.

maybe when she sold the apartment she made so much money that she could live off the difference between the old and new places?

maybe we’re supposed to fantasize that trey is giving her an allowance out of the goodness of his heart?

i realize it’s almost certainly just a writing problem, but given that many of the money things are plot points, it’s bothersome.