what is decadent?

as i said in my previous post, it’s funny how quickly one’s idea of decadent can change. a few days ago it was potato chips and french fries. now, it’s a specific kind of rich cheese.

coffee. it was a daily thing, before. every morning. finally the execution of the habit was more appealing than the coffee itself. same with fries, and hamburgers, and everything else i ate over and over. why do i do that? it’s a kind of laziness that settles in. i stop cooking, even though i know that i could do _some_ cooking and it wouldn’t be that big of a burden. and i know that i’d enjoy the variety, if i put a little effort in.

why is moderation so tricky? all the way on, all the way off– those are easy. i did manage to be moderate and maintain my weight for a while, and then, eventually, things always start to devolve and i have to start over again from the beginning.

maybe each time i get better at moderation and maintenance. i wonder, if i shared my household with another person or people, how would this be different? everyone says that cooking for one is hard, but i’ve only ever cooked for one, so i don’t know. most of my friends and boyfriends have encouraged me to eat badly, in both overt and in more subtle ways. i seem to do better when i make choices alone. (although i have to give mad props to d. in this department; he’s almost always willing to go to the company cafe instead of out for lunch, and i make some of my best choices in the cafe.)

as i cook the majority of my own meals, i can see how my kitchen frustrates, with no dishwasher and minimal counter space; access to cabinets is often poor, and even accessing the trash is a pain. i wonder how a good kitchen would change my eating habits. i find good tools and good work spaces a pleasure to use, perhaps more than the average person. i am currently in love with my new garlic press and fresh garlic goes into almost everything i make now, as a result. what if i were in love with my whole kitchen?

-:|:-

today was ok, i felt a little horrid before lunch, and quite irritable for a while in the afternoon. tired when i got home. it was good that i had a roast in the crock pot that i could tear into the moment i walked in the door. my fast-growing black tea addiction is replacing my coffee habit, but at least it has fewer carbs, costs far less, and has less caffiene.

cheese is good

yesterday, i went back on atkins. like full-on, what they call ‘induction’, the really restrictive first phase that everyone is supposed to start with. having gained back about half of the weight i lost in… was it 2002? 2003? i can’t remember… i decided i needed to be very serious about weight loss again for a while. i hope this time i can get down further than i did the first time.

yesterday i felt fine, but today i had a lot of fatigue and hunger and even a little queasyness. on atkins, you can eat all you want and you can eat lots of meat and fats and veggies, but i find i still have to eat almost constantly sometimes. i’m trying to cut back on caffiene pretty severely, too, so it’s hard to know what’s causing the fatigue, but it doesn’t really matter.

the funny thing is how easily i’ve gotten back into the groove. once you learn how, it isn’t _that_ difficult, which is not to say that i’m immune from temptation. i’ll be avoiding it as much as possible for a while. the guys at work are like, “well, can’t you still go to char-grill and just not eat the bun or the fries?” well, yeah, and i’ve done that before but please don’t put me in that position any time soon. really.

the other funny thing is how the oddest things become decadent. right now i’m snacking on some double gloucester cotswold (a very rich cheddar with flecks of chive) and it seems so very extravagant and comforting.

-:|:-

today nearly became another tiredly boring day (ok, so i was dealing with fatigue and getting my kitchen in order and that sort of thing), but mary happily rescued me from all of that with a trip to SRI. i finally found a pair of black low top chucks in my size– i’ve been wanting some for a while. i also got a pair of extremely comfortable yet ladylike kitten heels in a shiny orange-brown.

the first rule of drama club is: don’t talk about drama club.

awoke to a truly strange dream this morning. i was part of a group of people who were acting out a drama as if it were our daily lives. my strongest memory from the dream was realizing that the drama was getting boring, and i’d need to do something to make it dramatic again. so, like the worst hack screenwriter, i decided to kill someone off. not literally; i just lied about them being dead. i pulled my old college friend nikos aside and said, “i need to talk to you… i wanted to tell you this first, before the others. someone has died.” i was making this up as i was going along so until the words came out of my mouth, i didn’t know who i was going to kill off. “it’s george.” george is one of nikos’ best friends from college. as i sat there watching nikos react to the news of his friend’s death, i realized what a cruel thing i had done to him. i leaned over and whispered in his ear, “it’s not true.” i could tell he understood but he continued to react. and the lie was perpetuated to other people, and i started to realize the ripple effect of my actions… that someone not involved with the drama, who cared about george, would hear this and be hurt by it. i needed to stop it but the lie was out of my control.

then there was some part about walking a long way down a street at night and finding my pager laying in the road.

saturday ffffzzzzzzzzzttttttttt.

i’ve decided– in part because of the kind of tires i have on my car right now– to be a total wuss about any threat of ice on the roads. (i remember once being told by a family friend, “even YANKEES don’t drive on ice.”) so the last two saturdays have been largely wiped out by the threat-of-ice. the previous saturday saw me stuck at home for a totally different reason. this is getting old. a girl needs stimulation or she’ll have nothing interesting to write about.

unfortunate navelgazing could ensue.

so last night i made a brief appearance at ooh la latte, which was completely out of character. (me? leave the house? on a friday night?) i actually managed to meet “joe’s”:http://jhv.blogs.com/ friend “henry,”:http://www.henrymcintosh.net/ which was also out of character. (me? meet? a person?) but i quickly reverted to form, and left before the second band was over.

this morning, i met a couple of friends at fowlers and helped them figure out what configuration of powerbook to buy. apparently the staff at the apple store was not helpful when they visited. just as well since the model they decided on was available refurbished for $300 less than a new one– the price of an iPod mini, as one of them pointed out. which they also bought.

the rest of my day was so boring that i can’t even think about it.

the confusing world of Rx

well, it has been quite the productive day.

the vet appointment this morning, well you know about that already. one of the reasons why i like my vet is, he makes things non-confusing without over-simplifying. so that was good.

after the vet, i went to the dentist. the last two times i have been there, the dental hygenists have mentioned a particular brand of battery-operated toothbrush. now, this time, that toothbrush and other products by the same company were displayed prominently on the counter as one checks out. hm.

this evening, i went to specs and ordered “my new glasses”:http://www.flickr.com/photos/spacegrrl/3849657/ (!). the last two pairs of glasses i’ve bought came from 20/20 eyeworks, largely because i could never get anyone at specs to help me. this time, things were reversed; all four times i’ve gone to specs, i’ve had two employees helping me. the one time i went to 20/20, no one helped me, and they were closed the second time i went back.

when the specs folks were writing up my order, i asked them what the difference was between the brand of non-reflective coating i have on my current glasses, and the coating they normally use. the answer? the stuff i have now is $100 more and “has a really good advertising campaign”. no effective difference to the wearer, just to the wearer’s wallet. sigh.

when it was all said and done, i think the total for new frames, new lenses and new lenses for my sunglasses was less than the total for that first pair of glasses i got at 20/20. like, $200 less. it’s still a hell of a lot of money, but i’m not experiencing the high degree of sticker shock that i did with the last two rounds. the specs folks saved me money.

now we are twelve

i took moses to see dr. miller today. he seems kinda stiff and he cries when he lays down, usually, so i figure that arthritis is probably starting to creep in. i want to keep him moving as much as possible to help with his weight problems, and also just want him to be as comfortable as possible as he ages.

the big surprise of the visit was… he has lost over 2lbs in six months! i don’t think we’ve seen this kind of weight loss since we first started trying to get his weight down several years ago. for a kitty, that is a lot– close to 10% of his body weight. this is very good news.

not surprisingly, dr. miller gave me some glucosamine for his arthritis. he’s actually been pretty active lately, and hopefully the glucosamine will help turn him into a super playful, active kitty. those of you who are used to him being a sedentary 20lb blob may be in for a surprise… let’s hope 🙂

hey, that’s aimee.

up there on stage. with “sharon jonez.”:http://www.daptonerecords.com/pages/stable_sharon.html and the dap kings. on “sarah’s birthday.”:http://ovenall.com/diary/

remember “this guy?”:http://www.spacepod.org/rtp/archives/the%20inner%20circle/i_dont_understand_your_mental_model.php#001797

he was there too. he was hard to miss because he kept turning around and strobing his flash in our eyes. when i was leaving i took a turn around the cradle to see if i could find anyone wanting a ride, and we passed each other back in the mostly-deserted bar area. we’d never met in person. i could see the recognition slowly travel across his face, though, and then the realization that he didn’t really know what to do. i just gave him a very cool, unreadable look. you know. that look i give people sometimes.

but you know, there were lots of people there. many of them fine examples of humanity and i had a great time.

pencil sketches!

because you’re just dying to see my work. you know you are.

“the first round.”:http://spacepod.org/pencil_sketches/metaverse/v1.1/round1/

“now on round two.”:http://spacepod.org/pencil_sketches/metaverse/v1.1/round2/