crushes & boyfriends – senior year

senior year is big, blurry wash of friends, crushes, sexual identity-finding, and all kinds of heady adventures.

friends were crushes; crushes were make-out partners; friends were make-out partners… nothing was serious.

we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. not sexually, usually– just hugging, hugging, hugging; holding hands and snuggling and that sort of stuff. gender was no issue; or rather, it was an issue of great interest. some of us turned out to be gay.. others just toyed with the idea. at the center of all the sexual identity exploration was “rocky horror.”: the content of the movie had a lot to do with it, but so did having a reason to stay out late on friday nights, having a meeting place for all the freaky kids, dark corners of the theater to make out in, and an opportunity to meet some of the freaky college kids, too.

so, let’s see… there was marsh, who i’d actually known for years, though not well. we were great friends, and actually are still in touch. i had a terrible crush on him for most of senior year, i guess. then there was groves; i had a terrible crush on him, too. there was suk, she was my best friend. there was some kind of weird vibe between us, too. and then there was george.

george started an animation club. we produced a very charming little hand-drawn animated film on super-8. fascinated with the film technology, i helped george shoot the film, so we spent a lot of time together.

for some reason, we were all reading the kinsey report, too. maybe george got us started on that. this is how really geeky people learn about sex, i guess. first we read up on the topic– get some good research under our belts. only then are we prepared to move on to real life experience.

the chronology is blurry, but i remember george asking me to the prom. i said no at first, on principle because i thought the prom was deeply wrong and lame. friends convinced me to go anyway, so i later said yes. (i only have a picture of me in the dress… no picture of me and george.)

the whole year we’d been working on this idea of a “lights out party”. a bunch of us would sneak out and gather in marsh’s room, turn out the lights and see what would happen. did we really think we’d have an orgy? no, of course not. we all hoped we’d hook up with that one person that we were really interested in.

and amazingly, we did it. groves wasn’t into it; maybe he was a little too mature for such silliness, or just a little more serious in the way he wanted to treat girls. though i think he stopped by before the lights actually went out. but george came by, and surprised the heck out of me. all i did was sit in his lap, and all he did was run his hands over me. but it was an incredible experience. i don’t even think we kissed.

then came prom. we spent maybe twenty minutes at the prom, then george took me to the most perfect make-out spot which he’d picked out and planned in advance. we had a nice time until he asked me if what he was doing was doing anything for me (it wasn’t) and… i answered honestly. oops. that was that. he didn’t want to touch me again after that.

we remained friends, and we’ve kept very loosely in touch; he wrote to me a year or two ago to say that he’d finally found a girl that “stuck”. george is a very odd person, and i’m sorry that i’ve failed to give any kind of flavor of who he is in this account. i just don’t know if george is someone i can summarize, but i can say that he’s remarkably intelligent, yet struggles with living in the real world.

i think it was that very night that marsh and i fooled around. after my disappointing and distressing experience with george (which also resulted in the _worst_ hickey i have _ever_ had, jesus), i felt the need to be with someone a little more in tune with me. so i called marsh, and snuck out, and went to his house, and climbed in his bed. that was the only time we did anything like that.

it wasn’t until later that things would happen with groves and with suk. that’ll have to be another entry, because there was one more person of note in my senior year. that was art decco.

at rocky horror, as previously stated, we met some freaky college kids. in particular, we met jeff jung. he fell for suk, and somehow she and i wound up spending a lot of time at his place, which was walking distance from the school. art was one of jeff’s roommates. he was a scrawny, pasty redhead; published a mostly political zine that i can’t remember the name of, and had this whole bookish anarchist vibe going on.

one night, jeff invited _all_ of us back to his place after rocky horror. he and art shared the basement. i somehow wound up climbing into art’s bed. we just made out… he wanted to go farther, but i didn’t, and he was nice enough about it. we did wind up having one of those weird situations where all he really wanted was someone to fool around with, but never said that; i wanted a boyfriend, and was jealous of jeff’s growing devotion to suk. so i stopped hanging out with him after i’d made a bit of a fool of myself over him, but he was always very sweet to me whenever i saw him after that.

art decco was of course not his real name. i remember his real name but there’s no need to mention it here.