quit changing the rules!

this is all woman stuff, so if you’re squeamish about such things, stop reading here.

every few months, my body does different exciting things during my period. it usually takes one month for me to realize, _”oh, the rules have changed.”_ and another month for me to understand, _”these are the rules now.”_

this weekend and today, i’ve been sorting out the new rules. or rule, because there seems to mainly be one: _EAT._ eat square meals, and be ready to eat them every two to three hours all day. and lay off the caffiene. if i don’t? first i get really, really tired and my limbs feel heavy. then i start to feel queasy and lose my appetite. i don’t feel hungry in the normal way. this has been kind of hard to figure out. it’s like the hypoglycemia gets turned up to eleven.

i feel a lot of guilt over eating in general, especially since i’ve gained about ten pounds this year. i fight with myself over what i eat all the time. it’s hard to convince myself that eating mcnuggets might actually ever be the _right_ thing to do. but if it keeps me from crashing on the way home from work…. maybe it is.

i had a couple of really bad crashes over the weekend and spent a lot of time just sitting on the sofa, cursing my fatigue and lack of energy. yesterday i started to get it, and tried to plan my day and meals more carefully.

anyway. it was kind of scary. it prompted me to make an appointment for a physical today.