this is a weird fence to be sitting on

ok so i read the “nerve personals blogs”:http://www.nerve.com/blogalog/ a lot and a discussion of fuck buddies has broken out across a couple of the blogs and in the comments. it is definitely interesting to get a little insight into the minds of people when it comes to this kind of thing. i know people who can’t imagine having casual sex, and indeed not _all_ of them have had the luxury of being in relationships throughout most of their adult lives. a few of them figured out that it wasn’t going to work for them and pretty much stuck with it through hell or high water.

now oddly most of my sex partners have been casual but in all honesty, i do not really think i am a casual sex person. but i would like to be. gosh it would make things a lot easier, you know?

but i realized that i was shocked when one guy said that he has been sleeping with his FWBs (that’s Friend With Benefits for the uninitiated) since March. wow. there are actually two people in the world, somewhere (France, actually, though neither of them are French) who can pull something like that off for almost a year?

for a while last year i read this book of essays about Buffy and in one of them, discussing her brief relationship with yucky Parker (i can’t tell you how many Parkers i have encountered in my life) the writer comments that Buffy has the classic problem that all girls with absentee fathers have, which is that they cannot tell the difference between sex and intimacy.

so i guess the people who can pull off casual sex for extended periods are people who _can_ distinguish those two things… but is that entirely a good thing? can sex be any good without _any_ intimacy? how clear are the gender lines on these things?

but here is what i come back to time and again, which is that i wonder, if i have been dating for twenty years and have spent only three of those in actual relationships, perhaps i am not what is called a “relationship person”. perhaps if i were of the coupling inclanation i’d be coupled. but if i am not a couple person, i am kind of left with casual sex and no intimacy, right? and that doesn’t seem right. i mean, something makes me misreable when i’m single.

aw jeez. anyway, i am curious to hear what all of y’all have to say on this one.