what is decadent?

as i said in my previous post, it’s funny how quickly one’s idea of decadent can change. a few days ago it was potato chips and french fries. now, it’s a specific kind of rich cheese.

coffee. it was a daily thing, before. every morning. finally the execution of the habit was more appealing than the coffee itself. same with fries, and hamburgers, and everything else i ate over and over. why do i do that? it’s a kind of laziness that settles in. i stop cooking, even though i know that i could do _some_ cooking and it wouldn’t be that big of a burden. and i know that i’d enjoy the variety, if i put a little effort in.

why is moderation so tricky? all the way on, all the way off– those are easy. i did manage to be moderate and maintain my weight for a while, and then, eventually, things always start to devolve and i have to start over again from the beginning.

maybe each time i get better at moderation and maintenance. i wonder, if i shared my household with another person or people, how would this be different? everyone says that cooking for one is hard, but i’ve only ever cooked for one, so i don’t know. most of my friends and boyfriends have encouraged me to eat badly, in both overt and in more subtle ways. i seem to do better when i make choices alone. (although i have to give mad props to d. in this department; he’s almost always willing to go to the company cafe instead of out for lunch, and i make some of my best choices in the cafe.)

as i cook the majority of my own meals, i can see how my kitchen frustrates, with no dishwasher and minimal counter space; access to cabinets is often poor, and even accessing the trash is a pain. i wonder how a good kitchen would change my eating habits. i find good tools and good work spaces a pleasure to use, perhaps more than the average person. i am currently in love with my new garlic press and fresh garlic goes into almost everything i make now, as a result. what if i were in love with my whole kitchen?

-:|:-

today was ok, i felt a little horrid before lunch, and quite irritable for a while in the afternoon. tired when i got home. it was good that i had a roast in the crock pot that i could tear into the moment i walked in the door. my fast-growing black tea addiction is replacing my coffee habit, but at least it has fewer carbs, costs far less, and has less caffiene.