After the company winter break was over, my husband and son returned to work and school, and I took an additional week off. Each day I stayed home by myself.
BTW, there are swears and personal stuff in this post so if you don’t want to see me that way then stop reading.
- I am an introvert. When I spend a lot of time by myself, I feel great. Awesome. Mind, body, and soul are in balance. I am brimming with energy.
- I enjoy computer programming. Each day I spent at least two hours on a coding project. I was not interrupted. There was no context switching penalty. I could think. I could step away after two hours and spend the rest of the day thinking about it as I pleased. I didn’t write a line of code until day three, and when I did, it was deeply satisfying.
- I like torn, fresh basil in my salad. It tastes like summer.
- There are several things in my job that cause me stress, and I don’t think I can change them.
- I like to make lists, and I like to cross things off the lists in fat black permanent marker.
- I really, really hate commuting through town. “Mommy, how did you get like this?” Grey asked me in exasperation one afternoon when I was being particularly crabby. My heart broke into a thousand pieces and I realized just how deeply my fucking commute bothers me.
So I guess I didn’t learn anything new at all.
Oh, there was one thing. I like doing focused thinking work from 9am – 11am. I think that’s the best of my brain most days. Most regular work days at 9am I am fighting traffic (see #6) and when I finally land at my desk, I feel like if I don’t go through email immediately I am letting my team down because there might be some burning issue.
(The thing about introversion though that’s funny, all the years I lived alone I remember it was often too much, it could be very difficult and lonely. Sometimes I wouldn’t be able to sleep because I was alone, and I’d go sleep on the sofa because it was oddly comforting. During the winter break all my friends and family would leave town and I’d be on my own for five, ten days. In some ways I loved this concentrated time alone, but then I would go back to work and be unable to deal with people at all.)